Mania crashing as depression overcomes.

I do not know if this is my current place; I do not like these thoughts inside me; they are better out. Lets call this fiction; then I don't need to own the disease that eats at my sanity... then I don't need to own these thoughts.

I shouldn't be left alone at times like this.

Like what?

Like when the voices in my head start to scream louder and louder; like when I am going down, deeper into the darkness and finding that I

cannot

breathe.

I cannot swim through this

tar, slowly clogging in the reality of who I am.

I am not a child of the light,
nor do I think I ever will be.

I am clothed in the darkness.

I shouldn't be left alone at times like these
... when the mania turns to despair.

When the over whelming urge to fuck is replaced
by an even more deeper need to cease.
All coins have two sides,
this is mine.

The mania lifts me higher then anything and I feel the sun on my face as you smile at me.
but I have been left alone;
the sun is replaced by the cold empty barren moon.

Listen to music;
escape the feelings;
escape

Icehouse used to cheer me up;
look Icehouse Icehouse.

Lets play.
Play.
Play.
Play.

Play song about insane asylum.
Asylum from the wants and needs of others.
Others who aren't here.
Here where I am alone.
Alone in my head as I drown in my thoughts

thoughts overcrowding me

me abandoned to the voices

voices screaming louder to do things I don't want to.

To you.

You who have saved me before

Before when I have been like this

This place where I am alone

Alone... I shouldn't be alone at times like this...