Wordless Wednesday: a little early; a little quote.

“Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon”
a.a.milne

Saturday Scavenger Hunt: Safe

Explanation? Well the Vegemite is the iconic Australian food; sadly Vegemite has gluten; that makes it unsafe for me as a coeliac. The b-group vitamins that are missing from Vegemite don't exist.

The Mightymite is gluten free; therefore it is SAFE.

Wordless Wednesday: back to the fuscia

I can never resist a bad pun;
Just a random picture of fuscias taken at a local historical house.

Creativity In Counselling Using Crayons.

Creative expression of self becomes important when you are trying to sort out your emotions. I'm tired at the moment so my explanation may be a little vague;

With creativity you can let out things that your subconscious might otherwise repress; like van Gogh and the Irises. Amongst this glorious painting of purple flowers we get one solitary white Iris, it's difference draws the eye. From an existentialist perspective we ask what meaning the solitary iris has to the painter; is it him? Is it just a case of running out of purple? Was it to break up the purple and give the eye a different point of focus? Is it the unconscious trying to be seen?

There's a book, The Van Gogh Blues which looks at this in much better detail.

Eric Maisel states; "Creators have trouble maintaining meaning," explains Maisel. "Creating is one of the ways they endeavor to maintain meaning. In the act of creation, they lay a veneer of meaning over meaninglessness and sometimes produce work that helps others maintain meaning. This is why creating is such a crucial activity in the life of a creator: It is one of the ways, and often the most important way, that she manages to make life feel meaningful. Not creating is depressing because she is not making meaning when she is not creating."

Using the Crayons format allows this depressive to get the creative side out in a less meaningful way. With two cats any painting I do means that I risk paw prints through the art work. As much as I feel they have more talent then I do it can ruin something I am happy with. Paintings of the uterus as a graveyard in which nothing can grow are not as poignant when they come complete with paw prints.

Prose allows thoughts to form in a way that those closest can see the meaning. It might come out in a shambolic fashion that means it needs a serious edit, but in that moment it allows the heart to bleed. You can hide the truth in prose; if a person reads my poetry and doesn't know me it can be seen as an exploration of pop culture, or another sad Goth trying to express their non existent inner self through the art of angst. To those that understand it can be a cry for help; or it can be a sign that things are on the improve.

Eventually I'll catalogue most of the poetry here. That might take years, but in doing that I hope to better understand my meaning and how it has changed. I also hope to edit and improve stuff written over a twenty seven year period. I've come a distance since writing about magicians as a 4 year old; but the hope that things will get better is still behind the pen. Who knows; one day I might be referred to as a female Ginsberg. Huge hope, but maybe that is what the meaning creative people search for is; hope.

Scavenger Hunt Photo: Two Cats Dreaming

Only 10 more sleeps...

Thanks to Obasso over at HNT for the picture.

I love that an artist whose messages were very cleverly disguised to make a "Christian message more acceptable to the majority" used a wonderful symbol of the upcoming harvest festival to show how we can all be more open to others beliefs.

At least thats my take. And just in case:


Dear Great Pumpkin,
For Halloween may I please have a baby and this cute grow suit for the baby to wear. I am happy to wait 9 months on the delivery of both.
Yours in hope,
Kitty.

Reality Check

One of the Mythbusters uses "I reject your reality and substitute my own."

I think people should be grateful that this does not happen more often.

Could the person substituting their reality for mine stop. I want the happy back.

Mania crashing as depression overcomes.

I do not know if this is my current place; I do not like these thoughts inside me; they are better out. Lets call this fiction; then I don't need to own the disease that eats at my sanity... then I don't need to own these thoughts.

I shouldn't be left alone at times like this.

Like what?

Like when the voices in my head start to scream louder and louder; like when I am going down, deeper into the darkness and finding that I

cannot

breathe.

I cannot swim through this

tar, slowly clogging in the reality of who I am.

I am not a child of the light,
nor do I think I ever will be.

I am clothed in the darkness.

I shouldn't be left alone at times like these
... when the mania turns to despair.

When the over whelming urge to fuck is replaced
by an even more deeper need to cease.
All coins have two sides,
this is mine.

The mania lifts me higher then anything and I feel the sun on my face as you smile at me.
but I have been left alone;
the sun is replaced by the cold empty barren moon.

Listen to music;
escape the feelings;
escape

Icehouse used to cheer me up;
look Icehouse Icehouse.

Lets play.
Play.
Play.
Play.

Play song about insane asylum.
Asylum from the wants and needs of others.
Others who aren't here.
Here where I am alone.
Alone in my head as I drown in my thoughts

thoughts overcrowding me

me abandoned to the voices

voices screaming louder to do things I don't want to.

To you.

You who have saved me before

Before when I have been like this

This place where I am alone

Alone... I shouldn't be alone at times like this...

Maybe I should do homework.... avoidance continues....

Your Mood Ring is Red

Excited Energized Adventurous Ready to go

Mood Ring Generator

OK, so this doesn't fit how I'm feeling; let's try the next one.

You Are 20% Abnormal

You are at low risk for being a psychopath. It is unlikely that you have no soul. You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

20%! Shit! Not trying hard enough obviously....

Your Lucky Underwear is Blue

You are caring and extroverted. You've made relationships your number one focus, and your lucky blue underwear can bring some balance to them. You thrive in one-on-one situations. You are a good listener and a natural born therapist. Sometimes you let the concerns of others become too important in your life, leading to stress and worry. If you want more balance, put on your blue underpants. They'll help you take care of yourself first.

What Color Is Your Lucky Underwear?

Nope... wrong... it's black, impractical and fits badly....

Your Scholastic Strength Is Developing Ideas

You can take a spark of inspiration and turn it into a full fledged concept. You are talented at brainstorming, visualizing, organizing, and independent thinking. You should major in: Natural sciences Computer science Creative writing Math Architecture Journalism

What Should You Major In?

And I thought I'd be a Counsellor and run my own business in design on the side; designing cards, soaps and things, hmmm, developing things not ideas and helping others to develop their own ideas, guess this is close.

Wordless Wednesday for October 18th 2006

The sky at Moo last Friday.

Sweets For My Sweet

I love this cake.
I really really love this cake.
Lets hope they do Gluten Free.

Allergies and gas.

Ah, revenge..... just once I would like to not have to scan an ingredients list for allergens....
....and on the topic of gas; Kismet.

Calvin and Hobbes 1

Ever had one of those days whenyou just needed a laugh? Calvin and Hobbes does it for me.
This also sums up my feelings on telephones perfectly.

Torch The Moon; The Whitlams.

Torch the moon, Burn the schools. She wrote in red On her bedroom wall Nothing's pure The paint runs to the floor She laughs too easily and Cries too hard (Cries too hard) Shouldn't drink alone The colours run. How can she forgive? When we know well what we do. Feather scratches On her wrist Dry run with a bread knife For a final twist It wouldn't be for show If it should come to this She laughs too easily and Cries too hard (Cries too hard) Shouldn't drink alone The colours run How can she forgive? When we know well what we do. She was born to feel it all (Born) to see it all And when I feel so lightly It's still burning brightly And she won't look away (ooh, ooh, oh) She laughs too easily and Cries too hard (ooh, ooh, oh) She laughs too easily and Cries too hard Torch the moon Burn the schools. Why's it a man? Making all the rules? Frida Khalo poster on her door She laughs too easily and Cries too hard (Cries too hard) Shouldn't drink alone The colours run How can she forgive? When we know well what we do. And when I feel so lightly It's still burning brightly And she won't look away (She won't look away) She won't look away (Aaah, oooh, aaah) (She won't look away) She won't look away (She won't look away) She won't look away

This song is resonating in me today; growing stronger like a heart beat. I think it might just be how others see me. The description of how she sees others is definitely accurate to how I see people. I do laugh to easily and cry to hard, and the other lyrics with the exception of the Frida Kahlo one is pretty spot on. Tim Freedman has read my diaries I am sure. He has captured the feeling of being me in so many of his songs, and given lyrics to snapshots of my life. I guess that is what a good lyricist does.

Saturday Photo Hunt; 1; Lost

A personal aspect for lost; my maternal Grandparents. They were both "lost" before I was born. I have been searching for them since my birth. Since I began genealogy and family history searches I am slowly finding them.

Space Magenta in 100 years.

This is something you can do at Bone Idol. I've never tried anything like this before, including playing with paint on the computer.

I'm a huge Rocky Horror fan ans have Audience Participation Janet-ed on many times. On stage and as an audience member. I'm not 100% happy but it's not bad for a first go.

Mum.

It occurs to me that I have many pictures of Dad up but non of Mum yet.

This was taken at Lockington, near Rochester in Victoria, she'd be about twelve, so that would make it 60 years ago; circa 1946.

Mum and I have a fairly typical Mother/Daughter relationship; dysfunctional yet over all good.

I think I can safely say that I am closer to her then any of the others. We've learnt to be forthright in most things. She's still scared of being 100% honest with me due to being conditioned by others that honesty leads to that truth being thrown back at you and manipulated.

The hurts we have are generally from her replaying her own Mother issues out with me or link directly into her not being fully honest.

Having said that though; I learnt how to play her to get what I need without upsetting her too much, a skill the others need to learn. It's not manipulation so much as refusing to allow her internal thought script to be a negative one. She seems to not have had very many positive reports from her own mother and was distant from her emotionally; this recurs in a deep sense of rejection whenever someone knocks back something she has done for her.

I love my mother deeply and hate to see her hurt in this way. My current approach is to get her to see faults as character, and not as a reason to pull out an entire jumper and restart knitting. My father is trying a similar tack. Together we get about a quarter step forward before something we think is trivial results in a major step back.

If only she'd start treating us as individuals it would make things better; she insists on everyone being treated "the same" which doesn't work for anyone, especially at Christmas and Birthdays.

Dad.

This was taken at the "Meet the Candidates" for the Australian Democrats Jagajaga branch. I was the candidate. I'm talking to my Dad. If you read any of my stuff you'll see what a huge influence on my life he is.

He taught me to not sit back but to stand up for what I believe in.

He isn't thrilled at my choice of political party, the campaigning against duck shooting or the way I choose to dress, but he has never made me feel less then loved for being me.

He maintains that the two most beautiful "little girls" in the world are my sister and myself; I'm 31 and my sister is in her 40's. He says he "falls in love" with my mother "again every morning," sings bad C&W music off key and thinks outside the box for cooking.

In December he'll walk me down the aisle. I can't wait. I know I'll have the two handsomest men with me; one to walk me down and give me away, the other to say I do and walk with me through life.

A Rather Wordy Wordless Wednesday

The Wordless Wednesday for this week is still in my original blog.

You can find that here.

As new things are done they will be here.